My first visit to Paris was brief: just a couple of days between London
and a month long assignment in Brussels. My first impression was of a city
designed to dwarf humanity, with avenues too wide to cross and huge buildings
with vast empty spaces between them. (My first impression of the city's
residents was also less than positive. Fortunately, I've since had opportunity
to revise that view.) One thing that did not disappoint: my first view of
the Eiffel Tower at night. The Tower is one of very few structures that
is more impressive in fact than it is in pictures. Lit up against the Parisian
sky, it seems a natural part of its environment. Hard to believe that the
residents of the time were shocked and dismayed by its construction and
the negative effect it would have on the look of the city.
My hotel on that first visit was off the Champs Elysee. Which meant that
I didn't have far to go to see the only other landmark I could identify
without question: the Arc de Triomphe. The Arc sits in the middle of the
Place d'Etoile, a huge traffic circle at the intersection of the
Champs Elysee and a hundred or so other roads. Etoile must be French
for snarl, which is what the traffic does. And so do the drivers. My
one experience driving in Paris required that I cross the Place at rush
hour. Like any rational human being, I entered the circle and
proceeded to follow its curve until I reached my exit. Thereby proving
that I was a tourist, as the entire population of Paris cut across my
path, following a straight line between their entrance and
exit points. I think I was cut off more times in those ninety seconds
than in my life either before or since. After that I parked the car
and stayed to the sidewalks, which on the Champs Elysee are every bit
as wide as the road.
Friends told me that whatever else I might do, I just had to
go to the top of the Eiffel Tower, that the views were spectacular and
worth whatever hassle was involved. These images support that advice. Whatever
else one might feel about Paris, it is a breathtakingly beautiful city.
Especially on a clear day from a thousand feet up.
I've never known what to make of the French sense of humor. I'm sure
they must have one, although judging by their cinema it's
pretty different from our own. But any long walk around Paris leads
you to the inescapable conclusion that their sense of the absurd
leaves ours in the dust. How else to explain the glass pyramid that
stands in the courtyard of the Louvre? What other society would
take a grand collection of monuments that runs in straight line
from the Louvre through the Egyptian obelisk at the Place de la
Concorde to the Arc de Triomphe and finish it off with the Grande
Arche de La Défense, a giant cardboard box of a building that's
missing the front and back flaps? Or would pay good money for a
twelve foot high bronze thumb? Now that's a sense of humor!
How could I refuse a request to substitute for a colleague at a CAD conference in Paris? I couldn't. Then I discovered that the conference was at Disneyland in Paris and I had second thoughts. But these are the sacrifices we computing professionals have to make. And with a day free between my arrival and the talk, off I went to discover what kind of stew you get when you serve up Disney's white bread view of Americana with a seasoning of Gallic sensibility. (What do you think? Did I push that last metaphor too far?)
You enter the park at the Disneyland Hotel, a remarkable confection of
pink and purple. The hotel is supposed to be magnificent and one of
the finest hotels in the country. Unfortunately, you don't actually
get to see inside; the entrance takes you through tunnels beneath the
hotel. I never did spot the entrance. I guess they don't want
ordinary tourists intruding on the ambience.
Once inside the park you're faced with Main Street, USA. At first it
seems like a close recreation of the one at the Anaheim park. But I
don't remember quite so much gingerbready detail on the buildings.
That turns out to have been a good introduction to the park: it's like
the original and then again it isn't. There are all these little
details that I suspect seem familiar to the locals at the same time
that they seem the tiniest bit exotic to me.
The castle is another big surprise. It's a lot sillier than the
American versions, with its towers that end in court jester caps.
Which makes me wonder: is it really less realistic? Or am I so used
to the American Disney version that I think that's how a castle is
supposed to look?
Of all the areas of the original park, Tomorrowland was the one that
dated the fastest. Its view of the future was trapped in the 50s,
which is not a place I particularly want to hang out. The Parisian
version of Tomorrowland (called Discoveryland for what one assumes are
good reasons) avoids this problem by placing itself purposefully into
another age. Instead of imagining the future, it recreates a past
that probably never was. Or at least it wasn't nearly this
clean!
Most of the Anaheim attractions were recreated in Paris with only
minor modifications. Space Mountain is the great exception. Instead
of an anonymous white domed building devoted to the wonders of space
exploration, the Paris
version honors Jules Verne's vision of space flight as described in
his 1865 novel From The Earth To The Moon. Verne imagined a giant
American cannon that would launch a projectile called the Columbiad
into space; Disney has created a fanciful mid-19th century launch
platform. It has also built a far more exciting ride, with a 360
degree loop, two corkscrew turns and a lot of bouncing around. Most
of the rides at Disney parks seem determined not to offend anyone or
raise their heartrate. This is one French change that I applaud
wholeheartedly.
Other attractions are closer to the original, although their
surroundings have experienced some nice improvements. A case in point
is Pirates of the Caribbean. The ride is improved in small
ways, with a little more action on the boat's path. But look at what
they've done to the building itself: instead of a New Orleans mansion
they've built a magnificent pirate fortress. Almost makes you wish
the line were slower so you could bask in the atmosphere a little
longer.
Certain accommodations have been made to the language peculiarities of
the locals. (You mean not everybody speaks English?) My favorite
example is Star Tours. The flight announcements in the waiting area
are in French and English. The various robots speak one language or
the other. C3P0 even chastises R2D2 in French. (Why not? We know he
speaks bocce.) But the best part is the ride itself. Captain Rex
the robot pilot converses en français with the rebel pilots, who
all respond in English. That's sort of consistent with the movies,
where all the weird creatures speak bizarre alien tongues and all the
people speak English. Does that mean that the French are
aliens in their own country?
Unfortunately, you have to leave the park some
time. (Six PM on weekdays.) And things get less interesting in a
hurry. The Disneyland Hotel may be world class, but the other onsite
hotels are unimpressive in the extreme. Each hotel has a theme,
although they don't achieve much in the way of versimilitude. Take
for example the Hotel New York (please!): has the designer ever been
to New York? Does he even know anyone who has been to New York? The
skyline effect is all very interesting but what does that have to do
with New York? (I'll save you a tour inside. Suffice it to say that
it doesn't get any more authentic.)
And then there are the after hours cultural activities. If this were
London I'd be off to the theatre. At Disneyland the choices are
somewhat limited. (At the onsite cinema all the films are in French.)
So it's off to Disney's version of dinner theatre: Buffalo Bill's Wild
West Show. Along with your chili and barbecue you get a large helping
of singing cowboys, a bit of horsemanship, some cows, some bison and
the phoniest demonstration of target shooting I ever hope to see.
It's a latter day Medieval
Times, thankfully without the paper crowns...
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